Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
