I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
