So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We don't watch enough power rangers
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
