Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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