I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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