I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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