i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
