I'm so fucking centered right now
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
