Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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