Just fell off a train. Bad.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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