Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
