Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
