Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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