I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
