She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
