your parents love me but you hate me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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