Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Come share oat with me in your robe
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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