We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
