hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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