Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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