just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
