GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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