I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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