You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
