A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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