I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
