Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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