Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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