I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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