she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
