I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
