i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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