hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
