I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
