Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just had sex on a roof
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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