she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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