I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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