That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
