Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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