That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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