for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
