bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
