Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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