And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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