he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
