do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
