Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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