1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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