if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She told me I should be a condom model.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
