i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
