I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
