And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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