awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
