he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
