Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
