just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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