I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize