I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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