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I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
