let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
