This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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