bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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