i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
