God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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