I hate all girls vehemently.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
