Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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