I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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