I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
