I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize