Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
