just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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