got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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