Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize