summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
