Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
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I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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