just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wish there were birth control emojis
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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