I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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