you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
