I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
