the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
