erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
