i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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