I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
