my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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