Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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