her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
