are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
