Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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