Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
