he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
